Pants rant #1

So you want the best pants in town? You, my waiter friend, are not alone. I used to work in a clothes store which sold pants for waiters. I can’t tell you which one because the owner is a regular diner in the restaurant I work at. But it was a pretty good store.

 The best pants are only for the best waiters. Waiters who know how to serve food properly without pouring the soup of the day on the fat man taking up two seats on table 14. Waiters who get the big tips get the best pants. It makes sense.

 The worst offenders are usually male waiters. Who get small tips.

 They used to walk into the shop, take a look at the luxury triple-weave trouser section and demand the most pricey pants on the rack. I had this skinny waiter waltz in one time and ask to try on a pair of $8,500 Coblett trousers – made in Nepal from the tail-hairs of the world’s rarest breed of cow. I mean, just to touch any clothes from that rack you have to make a $500 deposit. And that’s non-refundable.

 I can only hope that one day I can wear some of those Coblett pants.