Peeny’s big mistake

As you will recall from the last post I recently hired a new apprentice at the Bistro named Big Peeny.

Well, I have some sad news… Peeny was killed in a horrible execution yesterday. It’s a long story, so I will try to explain it to you.

It was another late night at the bistro, and, as usual, every customer had ordered the gumboot sirloin. I had Big Peeny running to the fridge and grabbing the sirloins and I was roasting them up in the big gumboot pressure cooker. Finally, Peeny came up to me looking like he’d just stepped in a piece of poopy and eaten it accidentally.

“Err boss… we’ve run out of gumboots”

I looked at Peeny for a moment.

“Run out? But that’s impossible! We only have one more to go!!!”

We both pondered what we could do. I spotted a packet of jelly crystals nearby and had a great idea.

“Ok then Peeny, here’s a plan”

I explained the plan the Peeny, and he headed off to the bathroom. Meanwhile, I started to prepare the jelly. It was a strawberry jelly, one of my favourite flavours.

Peeny returned carrying some fresh faeces in his hands. He plopped them into the jelly mixture. Then I added some kidney beans and corn kernels from a can. Peeny added some chopped spinach. I added some sour cream. Peeny added a frozen turkey.

I stirred this mixture together and poured it into the pressure cooker. In a few moments, the fake gumboot was ready.

“Ok Peeny, take this to table 65″

Peeny grabbed the plate with one hand. With his other he held a spotted kerchief to his nose to avoid the foul foul odour of rotting turd.

Sadly for Peeny, he tripped over on a banana peel and landed head first into the awful fake gumboot liquid. The bowl attached itself to his head perfectly. I heard a desperate sucking noise and Peeny tried in vain to pry the poopy filled plate from his face!

“I’ll save you, Peeny!” I cried, grabbing my trusty .45 magnum. I shot the plate 4 times. It shattered and fell to the ground, along with globs of Peeny’s brain and cranial matter.

I decided to head home.