RIP Pooba McPooby

I have some sad news to share with you. Our apprentice chef, Pooba McPooby, died today. He was murdered by a blind man who complained that his gumboot was undercooked. Pooba, as I trained him to do, told the man to shove it up his cunt-hole if he didn’t like it. Sadly for Pooba, the blind man pulled a 34cm hunting knife from his eye socket and stabbed Pooba in the crotch 895 times. There was a lot of blood to clean up.

But anyway, I’m looking for a new apprentice to start in the Bistro as soon as possible. Please address the following erection criteria:

 1) Must have had experience in giving fellatio to corpses, preferably in the advanced stages of decomposition.

2) Experience in castration and genital torture techniques, particularly with instruments such as tooth picks, golf clubs and muffin trays.

3) Knowledge of how to operate on a cancer patient and save remove tumours.

4) Advanced dimploma in Penis Archaeology is necessary (although a certificate in Bowel Movements can be substituted providing the candidate has a large dick)

5) Candidate must be at least 45kg overweight.

6) Prior experience in executing annoying and rude customers. (A full range of weaponry, including knives, pistols and C4 will be provided to assist in this task)

7) Most importantly: A cheerful ‘can-do’ attitude and great customer service skills.

Previous applicants need not apply. Blind applicants can apply, but I will shoot them dead if they turn up for an interview. Gay or homosexual applicants are welcome to apply, as long as they have HIV.

Please post all applications to:

The Bistro Manager,
174 Chopcock Lane
CUNTEVILLE 4223

Applications close 42/32/07. You will be contacted by phone if you are successful in gaining an interview. If you do not receive a reply, it is because you are probably gay and have small balls.