Health Inspection (Part Two)

After leaving Pedro in charge as the head waiter, and promoting Pooba to rank of sous chef, I returned to the meat freezer where I had left McPenry a few minutes earlier, minus his testicles. He was still alive – just – in the negative 40 degree chill of the freezer.

‘So, still think I’m a fool?’ I asked him, still seething over the health inspector’s eariler comment.

McPenry writhed in slow agony on the ground on the freezer, frozen icicles of blood clinging to the void between his legs. Disgusted by the sight, I decided the time had come to put him out of his misery, and I decapitated him with the aid of an icy meat hook. McPenry was no more.

I quickly stripped the corpse and donned McPenry’s regulation health inspector outfit. It was a bit loose, given the extra large nature of the garments designed to suit McPenry’s tubby frame, but other than that it was a good fit. I collected the inspection clipboard, filled with dark crosses. Finally, I trimmed off some of McPenry’s hair from his decapitated head and pasted it over my hair. I returned to the kitchen to witness Pooba’s stunned expression.

Satisfied that my disguise had fooled Pooba, I left the restaurant through the back door and progressed rapidly through the alleyway to the subway station. On the way, I observed a blind man taking a piss against some garbage cans. Normally I have nothing against blind people, but this was an obscene act to take part in near a restaurant. Luckily for me the man was blind, so he didn’t notice as I picked up a set of garden shears lying conveniently nearby and carefully trimmed the offending body part off the blind man. He was mildly peturbed by the intrusion into his urination ritual.

I reached the subway station and boarded a train to the health inspector’s offices, located two stops away. Nobody gave me a second glance as I was dressed in McPenry’s regulation inspector outfit, although the blood and semen stains covering the jacket did raise a few eyebrows in the elevator. I reached McPenry’s personal office and found a sheet to replace the one which was covered in black crosses. I carefully placed the new version (filled with ticks) into McPenry’s in tray. My work here was done.

As I left the building, I felt a buzzing in my pocket. It was McPenry’s phone! I took it out and answered the call, trying to imitate McPenry’s girly voice.

‘Hi, Henry McPenry speaking’ I said.

‘McPenry you fag, I need you to make sure the Bistro fails the health and safety test. If they aren’t closed down within a week, I’ll have your balls’ said a voice, before suddenly disconnecting.

‘Too late’ I said.